I wished I had a relationship like some girls, the ones where they can tell their mom anything. My mother is bi-polar as heck. She’s impossible to deal with. And I can not stand her. She speaks but doesn’t listen. She doesn’t even give me a chance to speak. Whenever I try to say something she’ll say how disrespectful I am. After a while I just give up on the argument because I no longer have energy for that utter bull and she calls up the whole family and say’s how bad I am being. It might sound harsh, but I am never raising my kid like the way she raised me, I despise her. If she thinks I have a point she’ll hit and kick me until I have scratches and bruises, and if I hit back to defend myself she’ll get everyone in the family to think I’m this disrespectful kid. She can never talk to me calmly but always shouting at me and when I tell her to stop shouting at me she gets even louder, and say’s that she isn’t shouting. She twists and makes every word different so she can be the victim. I want to be done with her, but I don’t want to hold a grudge against her for putting me through abuse and not being there for me when I was young.
I don’t know what to do, I feel lost and confused. My mom suggests on moving to Toronto only because she lost her job getting into an argument with one of the workers at the nail salon. I live in a small city, there’s not that much work for manicurists, thus she wants to move. I don’t want to, all my friends are here and I don’t want to leave my boyfriend. Making new friends I can deal with, but not being able to hug and kiss him everyday will kill me. It’s so cheesy but, not only he’s my boyfriend he’s also my best-friend, and everything. He’s the one person that keeps me sane and makes me a better person, I couldn’t stand not seeing him everyday. Yet I want to make my mom happy. I’m scared she is going to fall back into depression again if she doesn’t keep busy.
I cancel the add and then I’m like “Ugh fuck, now they know I stalk them. It’s gonna be awkward at school when I see them around.”
#Stupid fingersIt’s like I’m illiterate. I just can’t find the right words to say to comfort someone. Ugh.
As much as I want to stay angry at a specific person, I always give in. Anger isn’t any fun, it’s too draining. I don’t know how anyone could sustain it for an extended period of time, I know some people do though. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be angry at a person forever. I believe that if you go around carrying a heavy heart, you will never be happy.
but for me a great characteristic will always make you more appealing than someone who only has a great face but no substance.
For fuck sakes.
Honestly I can’t wait until I’m eighteen. I’ll be able to get away this hell of a hole called “home”. I’m sick and tired of fighting with my mom almost every single day. I’m especially sick of her abusing me physically every time she thinks I’m talking back when I’m only telling her the truth or defending myself. I can call the cops right now and they would take her to away because of physical abuse, but no I’m not going to do that. I don’t have the heart to do that. Even though she does physically abuse me every time she thinks I’m wrong, she’s still my mom. I can’t/ don’t want to imagine my mom in a prison.
Ugh. I dislike you fuckers that are nosy.
